im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
