Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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