Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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