i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
