dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
