How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
