the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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