Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
