he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
