i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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