is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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