So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
