when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
