just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
