it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
