i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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