yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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