my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize