somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
