If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
