dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
