I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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