On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
