I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
