I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
