Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
