Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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