Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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