Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
