I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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