I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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