She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
