he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
