No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
