I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
