I met the friendliest cop last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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