I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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