friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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