Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
