i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
