You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize