You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
