On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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