i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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