Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
