I bet he comes in French.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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