Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
