Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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