It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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