i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
