Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
