I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
