tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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