plz talk dirty to me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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