i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize