And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
