I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
