Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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