I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
