I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
