Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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