I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Randomize
