At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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