just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize