party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just cropdusted the office
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
