he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
