I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
