I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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