who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And then my night got REAL pukey
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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