The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
