you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
