So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
