someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the day after is always just damage control
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
