The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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