I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
