someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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