It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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